Romance can be a delicate thing.
Men and women are so different in their sexual needs.
And when the moment arrives when both of you are in the mood for love, that moment needs to be nurtured and prolonged or intimacy problems can arise.
Sadly, an unexpected disruption (a curious cat, car alarm, strange noise, Mum calling to say Hi, even a thought about some problem that needs to be resolved) can instantly kill the physical intimacy.
If you’re thrown off by an interruption, your partner will be too. Acting as if the distraction is no big deal will cue your partner to get right back to business.
Stop these five blocks to intimacy and romance in their tracks.
The gift he gave you is a fizzer
Don’t make a fuss. Instead of fake gushing, appreciate the intention of the gift, stay positive (no sarcasm). Just focus on all the kind things your guy has done for you in the past. The gift shows he was thinking of you and is not worth ruining the time you’re having together. To prevent a repeat offence, wait a few weeks, then talk openly about what kinds of gifts are meaningful to you and why.
Next time you two are shopping, point out stores and specific things you like. Men love direction. They want to know they’re going to make you happy. If in doubt, you can’t go wrong with flowers.
You’re about to have sex when you realise you haven’t showered/shaved/deodorised
Unless we’re talking about gross negligence, most grooming concerns are non-issues. To put it plainly, men do not notice this stuff as much as you may think they do and is not such a turn off to physical intimacy. In fact, many of them find a woman’s natural odour to be a huge turn-on. Get assertive. Guide his hands and mouth to your smoother parts so you can stay comfortable and focused. On the other hand, if he has just come in from the garden, take control – suggest taking a shower together… and no more need be said.
He’s being overly attentive in bed
How is it? Is this position OK? Did you like that? And you just want to enjoy the moment, not get into a discussion.
You’re lucky to have a partner who is so focused on giving you pleasure. But yes, too many questions can kill your buzz. Most guys don’t realise how much focus and concentration and being in the right mood for sex, women require, because they don’t need nearly the same amount. To correct course, drop your voice to a whisper and try this intimacy tip. Just say, “You’re doing great. I’ll show you with my hands if I want something different.” Then kiss him to shut him up.
You’re pretty sure your flatmate can hear you
If you’re the noisy one, slip his fingers into your mouth or nuzzle into his neck or shoulder. You can satisfy the urge to moan with another oral fixation. Men want to know you’re experiencing pleasure, so gently biting his neck, for example, will turn him on.
Or turn the whole thing into one big, sexy love making game. Tell him you’re going to have silent sex (a finger to your lips plus a meaningful look is a good cue) and focus on your other senses as you refrain from making noise. It feels sneaky, which ups the erotic charge. If general motion is the source of your less-than-subtle soundtrack, switch to another position that precludes creaky bedsprings.
You’re completely creeped out by his cat/dog/goldfish watching you do it
While you’re well within your right to politely request that Tiger retire to the living room, this is more about you than about the blank-eyed pet. There will always be distractions, and the onus is on you to get into the erotic zone.
Close your eyes, breathe deeply and fantasise about the guy you’re in bed with or Ryan Gosling’s abs in “Crazy, Stupid, Love” (that never gets old). Focus on the sensations and as you get more and more turned on, you’ll naturally forget all about what (or who) else is in the room.
Intimacy and romance is the fun and frolic part of your relationship that allows you to connect emotionally with your partner.