8 Steps to a Stress Free Break up

breakupThere is so much fun, anticipation, expectation, excitement  and exhilaration in beginning a love relationship.

What about ending one … the break up?

Apprehension perhaps?

A relationship is not a life long contract and even marriage vows often have to be revoked.

Being rejected and falling out of love is part of the human condition.

Maybe your relationship just wasn’t meant to be forever.  People do grow apart, it is often a part of gaining maturity. Things start to deteriorate gradually and the time has come for tough decisions to be made.

Ending a relationship is never easy, but how you manage your break up is a very good indicator of your character.

Breaking up the coward’s way can be easy enough.

You can just cease all contact. Maybe your partner will get the message?

You can email, send a text message or even send a friend.

Breaking up the right way may be hard, but if you have decency in your character, respect for the relationship you’ve been in, and any consideration for the person you once loved, it’s what you have to do.

Doing the right thing is important in life and love, and that means in break-ups too.

You have made the decision so your partner may need to be helped to understand why it’s not working.

It takes two to end a relationship, so don’t blame yourself or demonise your partner.

Here are 8 steps to a stress-free break up.

1. Know what went wrong.

This is an important step in being able to discuss things calmly and move on.

2. Be as honest, open and respectful of what the two of you shared as you can.

3. Don’t get embroiled in an argument.

Keep calm and control emotion.

4. Know what you want to say before you meet.

Think things through carefully. The more specific reasons you can provide, the more answers you give, the cleaner the break, then you’ll both be in a position to move on.

5. Cast no blame on the other.

Use the old “It’s not you it’s me” strategy . It may be a cliché but  is far better than picking faults and leaving your ex hurt and  depressed.

6. Talk in the  “I” rather than “you”.

This is your decision, so take the responsibility. Saying, “I feel ……” is more effective than, “You always………”.

7. Apologise

Accept responsibility for any wrong doing on your part and make it clear this is the end.

8. Wish them well, then leave.

The final piece of break up advice in the step to closure is to cease all contact.

No calls, emails, Facebook, texts … it is over.

Even though the breakup was your decision, you may be surprised at the sense of loss and loneliness you may experience.

Ask yourself, “What have I learnt? What would I do differently?”

Appreciate the experience. All relationships are learning experiences for your future.

Just because it’s over is no need to diminish what you have had.

If you’re tempted to go back, remember why you split.

Stick to your decision and soon you will be free, with an open heart, ready to find love again.