How do you recover after a break up?
In most cases, a tough period follows any break up and you must accept the fact that it takes time to recover. It isn’t only you – anyone who is getting over a break up needs time to recover. The trick is, how do you improve things after it happens?
There are two ways to go. You have to first try and figure out whether you want the break up to be final or whether you want to mend things and get back together again.
This is really the crux of the matter – making this decision and you need to be very clear in your mind what you want. At this point in time, it is not about the other person but about yourself. This is the decision that will affect your life so make it carefully and make it very objectively. If you feel that it is time both of you moved on with your separate lives, then so be it.
Let the break up stand and go ahead with your life.
However, before you make this decision be very clear that this is what you want because once you move on, it is tough turning back the clock and getting back to the place that both of you were in.
If you feel that you want to get back together with ex and salvage what you have of the relationship, then here are a few tips.
Before you go forward, first meet your ex-partner and talk about it.
This will help you clarify your position and you will be able to gauge whether he or she wants to continue with the relationship or not. If you want to continue with the relationship, then make sure you apologise for what happened and for anything you might have done to upset the other person.
If both of you want to get back together, you need to have it out about the issues that bother you and then put them behind you. Dwelling on them and arguing about them just builds up negativity.
What you need to do to get back is to remember the good things in your relationship and focus on them. Focusing on the bad things or the areas of tension will only cause another break up. So think positive and work on keeping those top of mind.
Try and find all the good reasons why you should still be together, what are the good things you share, what you laugh together about, how good the physical side of the relationship is and how much you like being together. This is even more so if there are children involved in which case there is so much shared history.
Don’t expect things to get back to the way they were very quickly. It might take more than a few meetings and discussions to get you back but if you constantly make sure you focus on the positives, you will see that getting there is so much easier.
In case one partner cheated, the other should take time to try and find the reason why they strayed. Without putting the blame totally on themselves and without taking off on the one who cheated, there should be some objective probing into why it happened and how circumstances could be changed so it does not happen again.
If things cannot be sorted out between the two of you, try to get an objective view through counseling or with the help of a close friend.
In any relationship, things cannot be sorted out and healed without airing all your grievances. Try and do it objectively without hurling accusations and you will find that if there is a chance, things can be mended and you can recover from a break up.
It isn’t easy letting go of someone you’ve loved and someone you’ve shared your dreams with. A relationship like that is worth fighting for and worth getting back.