Jealousy is that feeling you get when a relationship you have with another is threatened by someone else. You might feel angry, anxious, frustrated or betrayed and jealousy can break up once happy relationships. But it can also be a signal that you may need to change something in your life. It could be time for you to move on to the next stage of your emotional growth. You can use this feeling to work on yourself and understand your underlying fears.
A certain amount of jealousy can be quite acceptable in a relationship, but there’s a fine line between crazy in love and just plain bonkers.
Knowing when jealousy is beneficial and when it is harmful is crucial to a healthy relationship.
Small bouts of jealousy are inevitable in any relationship and it doesn’t have to cause chaos.
Here’s how jealousy can benefit you and your partner
1. It shows commitment.
If your heart races and your skin prickles when you see your new partner’s ex has ‘liked’ a photo of him on Facebook, then it might be a sign you are ready to take your relationship to the next level.
2. It helps you see the deeper side of your partner
When you’re green eyed, does he offer a sincere ‘I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable’ or a stony ‘You’re being ridiculous’. The latter may be a sign he’s not very supportive.
3. It helps stoke the fire of love
For couples in long term relationships, realising you want to defend that relationship via jealousy, can put passion back on the front burner.
But how do you know when strong feelings of passion have crossed the line?
1. First trust your gut about what feels off to you.
If it feels bad then it probably is and you want to be upfront about what makes your blood boil.
2. Be responsible for your own triggers and have a plan in place to manage your own negative emotions.
Your jealousy may stem from past failures and insecurities that are still lingering in your sub conscious. Remove these negative emotions with EFT.
3. Be aware when your partner’s possessiveness is taking a turn for the worse.
Is he obsessing about threats that don’t exist?
Is he over-reacting to small incidents, like your friend sending a catch up email?
Is he demanding access to your passwords?
Does he insist on knowing your whereabouts at all times?
Does he want to control your social life?
These behaviours mean that he doesn’t respect your autonomy.
If you feel he has crossed a line and he refuses to talk it out in a calm non aggressive manner or he says you’re the one with the problem, it’s time to say goodbye.
Jealousy is just one of the many relationship problems you can find solutions for in the book Bring Back the Love of Your Life by Cucan Pemo and Anandi Peters.