Due to unavoidable generalisations, this article may offend some readers, so in the spirit of warning labels, like that on the kids’ portable stroller, “Remove Child Before Folding’” I give you this warning, “Use common sense while awake.”
Without a doubt, the major problem in a troubled relationship is communication. Do you know how to talk to a guy?
If you fail to communicate with your man, your relationship will be doomed to failure.
Problem is, most males are not that easy to talk the deep meaningful stuff with. In fact numerous studies have shown that right from boyhood, males just don’t see the need to discuss and share their deeper thoughts and feelings.
The sexes communicate differently because of the way their brains are wired. The female brain excels in verbal tasks whereas the male brain is better adapted to visual-spatial and mathematical tasks.
Women talk … men act.
University of Missouri researchers found that talking about problems made girls feel cared for, understood, and less alone while boys reported that talking about problems would make them feel ‘weird’ and felt like they were ‘wasting time’.
So, for women, communication comes naturally. They love to express their feelings, thoughts and emotions to each other, get emotionally involved and enjoy in the sharing.
It’s not that men don’t talk, it’s just that they are interested in man things.
A man will happily discuss motors, sport, politics and how this or that works. Men will laugh at risqué jokes and enjoy sharing lewd observations.
Women are interested in fashion, cooking, relationships, feelings and babies. They will send on to their friends the feel good images and heart warming messages that cross their notebooks.
I recently looked at a female friend’s Facebook page and it had recipes, kitchen tips, cleaning tips, advice and good ideas on raising and caring for kids, decoration ideas, lovely meaningful thoughts from the Dalai Lama…..
Then I looked at a mate’s page….nowhere near as much stuff…some fishing, hunting, drinking, off colour jokes, motor bikes …. you get the picture.
You can take the man out of the boy but not the boy out of the man.
Yes, yes, I know there are exceptions to every generalization but I am talking in the broader sense.
So how do you talk to a guy?
How well do you know your man and how he works?
Is your man the common strong, silent type variety?
How do you communicate with a rock?
Here are some don’t and do suggestions to consider.
1. Don’t expect to communicate with him as you do with your girlfriends.
2. Try to get to understand your man and what makes him tick…..what pushes his buttons. You can then be the moderating civilizing influence in his life.
3. Don’t act as if you are his boss or his mother.
Men prefer to be the one in charge and you have to channel him so he thinks that is the case.
4. Show appreciation and give him positive reinforcement
Men love to be needed and appreciated so dwell on the positive. If he needs changing, reward the positive and ignore the negative. Not so much that he realizes you are managing him. Works with kids also!
5. Not too much empathy for failures
Girls love to share problems with each other. They like it when they have friends who can comfort them. But guys are not really fond of consolations. When they fail, they know they have to be manly and move on so just basic support is fine.
6. Don’t use emotional arguments or tears
That just makes him feel bad and even less willing to talk. Remember, the positive works better.
7. If he seems unwilling to talk give him space. A man will talk when he is ready and the mood is right.
8. Don’t expect him to express his feelings verbally. His actions will reflect his thoughts and emotions.
9. Try to keep some humour in your discussions.
If you look you will find there is always a funny side to everything and men respond to a lighter note.
To keep your relationship bubbling along contentedly, you need to know how to talk to a guy.
The suggestions I have given will help you in this task. There’s more on communication HERE.