Is It Time To Stop Giving Too Much In A Relationship?

giving too much in a relationshipAre you always the giving one in your relationship while someone else is receiving? 

Is it possible you are taking care of others to the point where you no longer have a balanced, healthy relationship?
My life has always revolved pretty much around caring for others and being the one who generously helps others in their times of need.
However, this week I have had a dramatic reversal of roles.

I shifted, in a matter of minutes, from happily living my full and busy life as a healthcare provider and caregiver for many, including my toddler grandchildren to suddenly becoming a receiver.

My scooter, with me upon it, came second best in a meeting with our reversing family car with my husband in it.

Bone being weaker than steel, I was sent quickly over into a new journey of finding out what it’s like to be a full-time Receiver.
And the question I have to come to grips with is, “How easily do I let myself receive from others”?
An experience like this is ripe for character reflection and personal growth.

My immediate task was forgiveness.
Give up the blame game as there is nothing positive that comes out of anger and resentment.
I had to remind myself he was not intentionally out to break my leg…thankfully, or this would be a story of another topic.
Accidents do happen and the sooner we pick up and learn from them, the quicker we glean the nuggets of wisdom to be drawn from the experience.

A stone was cast into my familiar pond of life, creating a rippling effect that began spreading out quickly.
I have to remind myself that the next six weeks for healing will go quickly. It will seem to be a long time, especially without my being able to walk, work, drive a car, take a shower unaided, or any of the day-to-day routines that are so familiar in our everyday lives.

I reflected on those words so long ago …. “for better or worse”.
When we enter into the bonds of our blissful relationships we hope that this won’t come to pass. (Who really wants to think of dark clouds on their wedding day?)
This situation will, for me, become a triad of personal growth.

There will be;
physical and financial inconvenience
letting go of attachments to projects and plans
inability to do all the caring that was so much a part of my life
and … a necessary learning to become a dependent receiver.
The caregiver mantel now has fallen upon the unprepared shoulders of my spouse.

Most of our personal human relationship history is far from being balanced where giving and receiving is concerned.
Two days into my personal journey, I am beginning to see clearly the learning curve of our new roles.
So I may not get my lattes … (at all), and gourmet cooking is definitely not his forte.
(I doubt I’ll starve though).
He is trying to the best of his ability and I am learning to lighten up on high expectations and RELAX.
I recognize that my need to be the giver is more wrapped up in control, pride and independence. But we live in a world of duality. I am robbing myself and others of a truly balanced, interdependent, healthy relationship unless I engage more fully as both giver and receiver.

New tissue will grow and strengthen the matrix of my bone structure during my healing.
I hope that over these next six weeks I too will grow and become stronger in my relationships with a better understanding of how balance between giving and receiving works.
Perhaps there is goodness wrapped up in this experience after all.

Are you giving too much?

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