So you just had your worst break up ever.
You can’t seem to sleep, eat or even do anything productive because you feel like your life is over.
You just want your ex back.
A break up can be really scary and painful because you have to readjust to getting back to your life the way it was before your relationship started.
It’s been weeks or months since your break up and you now feel at last that you are in the process of moving on.
Then like a ‘bolt from the blue’ your ex calls or texts you!
Chances are that this unexpected call will bring up all sorts of mixed emotions for you.
This emotional turmoil can be very confusing too. You could be feeling happy and flattered that your ex has made contact again, but you could also feel angry and upset because you are already in the process of forgetting him. ‘How dare he set off all these painful emotions back again’.
So what do you do to get your ex back?
First, it’s very difficult to make a rational choice when you have feelings of hope on one hand and also feelings of distrust and betrayal on the other. You might want to get your ex back but feel you cannot bear the thought of all that heart break again.
Try to avoid the impulse to immediately respond to your ex. If he sends you a text this is easy, but if he calls and you answer before realising who it is, then tell him you are busy and will get back to him. Then just hang up.
You want to be in a calm, confident place before you talk to him again. You want to set the tone of the conversation and also the time and place that suits you.
You don’t want to come across as needy or desperate!
You are in control of your own emotional state.
You have a choice to be happy or angry. Regardless of the circumstances in the past, you have a choice in each moment to think happy thoughts or unhappy thoughts. If thoughts about your ex still bring up painful memories and emotions then make the choice to not think about him. Find an area of your life that is going well or someone who loves you unconditionally and focus on that. Then when you feel strong and balanced you can make a decision whether to call your ex back or not.
If you decide to continue moving on, a text is the best way.
If your ex respects your request well and good. But if he continues to text or call and you are feeling under pressure to respond then you may have to consider changing your number or blocking your ex’s number.
This will stop you acting impulsively and remove the urge to text or receive any messages from him.
If you really want to move on, forget about taking your ex back, leave the baggage behind, be thankful for lessons learned and face life with a smile.