When the one you love hurts you and rejects you the pain is unbearable. But relationship break ups have existed forever and learning how to get over your heart break is something that can be achieved.
Here are ten tips for dealing with heart break.
Sweat it out
We all know about the endorphin high you get from exercise. Exercise also increases the production of serotonin and norepinephrine, neurotransmitters which stimulate the brain chemicals that foster growth of nerve cells. Simply, it is one way your body helps you cope with depression. You are also helping yourself on an emotional level, because you are taking charge and becoming the master of your mind and body. So get the joggers on and off you go for half an hour. A gym class is great and you will find others to talk to take your mind off your woes and your heart break.
Let your emotions flow
Research shows that emotional tears, as compared to the tears caused by onion fumes, contain toxic biochemical by products. Weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress. So go grab a box of tissues and cry your afternoon away. Cry more if you need to but look at yourself as an actor in a tragi comedy… and don’t forget to smile and laugh as well. All sorts of body chemical get activated by laughter.. there are classes where people just laugh … and they always leave happy.
Face up to your break up.
Accept that a bad mistake has been made but that is not your loss but your gain. There are so many perfect partners for you out there and all you have to do is find one or two, or three.
Think of love as a buffet… so many flavours to try and so little time to try them all.
Now you are primed for the next step.
Take account of yourself
Get a notebook and list your strengths. We all have our good and bad points but I want you to focus on only the good. Play some inspirational music, talk to close friends and family…you will be surprised at just what a good catch you are and how stupid someone was to let you go.
Make a good and bad list
After a break up there are things you should and shouldn’t do. It can help you to focus by listing these. Grab that notebook again. Do delete emails and texts, dispose of gifts…some may be worth a few dollars that will allow you to buy something by you for you. Do look to meet up with good friends and family but don’t look for heart break sympathy. Look instead for a fun time. Do avoid places you shared together. Find new ones.
Help someone else
Your heart break may seem unbearable, but there are many ordinary folk out there whose lives are so much more terrible than yours.
When you turn your attention to another person, especially someone who is struggling with the same kind of pain, you forget about yourself for a split moment. It is amazing how helpful you can be to others.
Just remember to apply the same strategies to your own situation.
Part of the grieving process of loss is a yearning for lost love. Don’t try to ban these thoughts or fantasies, just control them. You are the creator, the playwright. Think of them as your story and craft your own happy ending to get over your heart break.
Start a new chapter
You have developed a life and a routine with your partner. Change it.
Take up different hobbies. Change the old routines from what you had for breakfast to the hours you kept.
Program your mind and body to expect a fresh beginning without the daily heart break. You will be surprised how quickly your thoughts can adapt.
Revel in your independence
Buddhists are taught that attachment leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment.
There was an old gardener who sought advice from a monk. “Great Monk, let me ask you, How can I attain liberation?” The Great Monk replied, “Who tied you up?” This old gardener answered, “Nobody tied me up.” The Great Monk said: “Then why do you seek liberation?”
The message for you is that unless you become a mystic living in a mountain cave, you will encounter pain in your life and heart break is just one .
One of my favourite sayings is “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.
Now if you can just look through your tears here is my break up advice for you.
Don’t try to win your lover back … don’t rush into a new relationship … allow yourself to detach for a while. This will prove to be a pleasant place to be.
Author and priest Henri Nouwen urges us to love again… “The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.”
Believe that the aching emptiness experienced in your every activity won’t be with you forever. Be assured that one day you will get over your heart break. You will be excited to get out of bed, make a cup of coffee or go to a movie. Know also that your sadness will evaporate and a smile will once again come easily to your lips.
Use these thoughts and strategies and you WILL get over your heart break.