Losing a love can seem like the end of the world.
Life loses its sweetness and you may feel like you’re drowning in an ocean of tears. You’re left feeling a huge void in your heart, and you’re left to pick up the pieces and try to move on. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one who’s been dumped or the one who did the dumping, breaking up is excruciating. And, most break-ups are final.
That’s as it should be, if the two of you weren’t truly compatible.
But not every break-up is irreversible.
Love CAN return, with a deeper understanding of each other and a stronger commitment. But let me warn you… it’s going to take some focus. .
Here’s your checklist:
Don’t rush into getting your love back.
Take the time to identify why you really split up in the first place. Was it neglect? Infidelity? Incompatibility? Think very, very deeply about it. It’s easy to become attached to someone, but if you’re attached just out of habit… why?
Take ownership of your part in the breakup.
Don’t be a victim by placing all the blame on your ex. For example, if you let yourself go and your partner looked elsewhere for sexual satisfaction, you must own that. If you didn’t have a good life balance and spent your time and energy on supporting the family but neglecting your partner’s emotional needs, you must own that. Don’t feel bad or blame yourself, but you have to be open to taking responsibility for your end of things. Just become aware, without judging yourself or your ex. A partnership is a complicated dance of perceptions and reactions and no matter what happened, you played a part, even if that part was simply “being in the relationship.”
Take some time to process and get your emotions under control.
Coming at your ex emotionally, looking like a crazed lunatic or desperate puppy, isn’t going to solve anything. Yes it might bring him or her back but the underlying issues won’t have been resolved and you’ll end up in the same place again.
Okay. Here are three essential steps to using the Law of Attraction to get your ex back:
1. Reach out without desperation, tearful begging or cajoling.
Don’t play games. Reach out in a non-threatening manner, not with a phone call but in a way that gives your ex time to process and respond. Express your care with a short email or letter: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you and I’m hoping you’re doing okay. If you want to chat, I’d love to hear from you.” THAT’S IT. Do not start off with “I miss you terribly, I can’t live without you, I can’t cope, I wish…” There’s no faster way to scare him or her off! If there’s no response, don’t get upset. In this instant-access world, we are conditioned to expect an immediate response. Be patient. You must give your ex time to process your request. Just open the door with a willingness to talk things out.
Meantime, use the Law of Attraction to think kind, positive, loving, compassionate thoughts about your ex. Use this positive energy to write a second note, a week or a few weeks later, even if there was no a response to your initial request.
In your second communication, express your understanding of the reasons for the break-up. Show a genuine desire to see things from their perspective, too. You must be willing to acknowledge that your perception of what happened may be completely different from your ex’s perception. You are both right. Be very careful in how you craft this: NO blame, no guilt, none of that. Own your role. Remember, your perception is as true and valid to you as your ex’s perception is true and valid to them.
You can say something like, “I understand how hurt you were when I made the unfortunate choice to stray outside the marriage. It’s not that I didn’t love you, it’s just that I was reacting blindly to the loneliness I felt. I know you were busting your butt to take care of me and the kids and I so appreciate you for that! You’re a rock star! I was just desperately missing the emotional connection that we had before, and I was so caught up in what I needed that I reached out to someone else instead of communicating with you. I’ve had a lot of time to think about things and ways it could be done better.”
2. Do not place blame either on your ex or on yourself.
The above example illustrates a non-threatening, non-combative a way to communicate your perspective. Just opening up like this may soften your ex’s heart and perhaps give them insight into why things deteriorated the way they did. Your lost love will appreciate you reaching out, but be prepared for no response. All you can do at this stage is keep thinking positive, loving thoughts about your ex.
If there is contact, be rational and calm and communicate your desire to get back together. Always communicate in the spirit of unconditional love and a desire for a mutually agreeable partnership. Explain how you have come to the realization that you had a significant part in the demise of the relationship, and lay out a brief plan of how you intend to improve your end of things. Be clear on this. Communicate how YOU will improve, without expectation that your partner will change or do anything different – you are the only one you can change… never assume or expect your partner to make one single change in the way they are.
Your willingness to improve may inspire the same commitment in your ex. Have a positive attitude about getting your ex back. Do not dwell on the past.
If you are willing to try to make the relationship work again, go back into it without ANY baggage. Leave behind your resentments, guilt, hurt and anger. If you’re willing to give it a fresh start, make it truly fresh. Remember – unconditional love is the most powerful attractive force in the universe.
3. Offer this prayer or meditation every day as you drift off to sleep.
(Modify it so that it sounds like you talking): “I step into the light of the Divine, where all things are possible. Bless me to understand and fix my issues and to attract the love of my life back through loving acceptance of myself, my partner and our relationship. I vow that all of my thoughts, words and actions are based on unconditional love.”
Believe that the relationship will work out and stay upbeat about working together as partners. If there is no reply at all, let it go.
DO NOT stalk your ex with unwanted contact. You’ve said what you needed to say.
Shift your focus on yourself: improving your self-esteem, your confidence, and rekindling your inner fire with goals and interests you’re passionate about. Stay positive and be surprised how everything turns out just as it should.