What causes conflict in your relationship?
A peculiar story was told about a woman and her first Thanksgiving Turkey dinner.
The woman presented on the celebration dinner table a delectable, trimmed bird, glistening golden brown, with the pan juices dripping over its golden-crisped skin.
It was a culinary beauty to behold … with the exception of the missing tail end, which she had dutifully cut off and discarded before baking.
When her guests inquired as to the missing turkey pieces she explained that it was the way her grandmother always baked the turkey and so she was passing this tradition down through the generations.
She was proud of her continuation of the family cord.
Curious about the waste of good turkey meat, a guest pressed further to find out the logic. Leaning over to ask the grandmother about this tradition, she reeled back in laughter when the old woman exclaimed she didn’t have a clue why her granddaughter would do this. The only reason she ever cut the turkey end off was due to the roasting pan being too small.
Consider your family traditions
A humorous story about how we construct and hold onto beliefs or traditions that no longer make sense.
Expanding on this concept, and applying it to our roles in a relationship, I was struck by the numerous ways we live out habit patterns just because “that’s the way our family does it.”
What happens when your spouse has an entirely different set of family traditions and beliefs? How do you build your own traditions?
Can we dare ruffle up the feathers of ancestors by taking a look at the areas in our life in which we carry on doing something that was engrained in us while children?
Some of these things may be great… put the cap on the toothpaste, put down the lid on the toilet seat, etc. … all designed to make our relationships smoother and happier indeed.
But what about the neurotic behavior traditions that insist we become someone and do something we are not even remotely connected to just to fulfill an obligation of carrying on beliefs in a role or tradition.
Switch gears and personalize this to your everyday experience in a relationship.
My partner should be …. and do …. (you fill in the blanks).
We grow up observing and deducing what we believe are the roles of spouses in a healthy relationship.
Perhaps we need to take a closer look and see if these beliefs are serving us well or putting undue expectation on one another.
Healthy relationships encounter situations which allow us to live our roles out in a nourishing flexible manner.
Drop the guilt of doing something just to satisfy the ages.
Keep the traditions that are meaningful to you and your loved ones.
Review your beliefs about who you are in your relationships and see if they are true for the person you are now.
It’s never too late to change things up and create more meaningful ways of expressing and celebrating your life.
Above all, don’t take yourself too seriously and try to see the funny side of life.